I don’t give a shit.

That’s what it feels like. When you wake up in my shoes every day. When you put on a pink thong, a black A&E polo, and a pair of Nike SB’s. That’s what it feels like. It’s the conscious act of indifference and realization. It’s knowing the meaning of certain words and phrases derived from social construct—this reality of roles and tradition. Of signs and signage. Language and behavior. It’s anything derived from everything we wear to everything we do, to every bit of our disjointed characteristic mindset that allows us to function as high-functioning beings under false pretense. It’s that art of being driven by social motivation.

You’re given a task without knowing. because it’s been conditioned, battered and broken inside you since birth. And you call this femininity (or masculinity). But you’re missing the the point. It’s not about feeling one way, or rather, describing in discreet detail what defines one word in contrast to the other. Watch your tongue. It’s not about likening one gender (of which society holds only two) over another or assembling yourself based on definition. It’s not about me wanting to be more masculine, or me wanting to be more feminine or even a mixture of both. It’s about neutrality, and incidentally, the I-don’t-give-a-shits of a genderfucked being.

When you’re born, you know absolutely nothing about etiquette or characteristic gender-driven behaviors. You know nothing about clothes, shoes, toys, dolls, bows, or ties. You’re only conditioned later on in life to differentiate, to distinguish between normalcy and “weird”, or proper and improper. This is how we run a high-functioning society. We’re not high-functioning beings, contrary to popular belief, but as a whole, we’re pretty darn close to it. That’s why “we”—as a whole—work.

Now based on social construct, we wear ourselves in our appropriated gender roles. So why, you ask, would it be anywhere near relevant to deviate from our designated norm? Because A) It’s become so highly fixated in our society that we realize it as simply, a necessity. A chore. Something that you do out of requisite habit like brushing your teeth or taking out the garbage, that you’ve mistakenly detached it from Choice.

See, everything revolves around upkeep. About maintaining a persona in order to validate your identity. But people sometimes get caught up in the singularity of their gender, that they fail to realize they have all the Choice in the world to personify themselves in however way they want in whatever way shape or form.

And B) It’s not about using gender to describe yourself, but rather the other way around. It’s about being yourself and utilizing yourself to break the gender binary. It’s about reinventing gender to suit you, not reinventing yourself to suit gender. That’s what confuses people. In an act to be more or less progressive, they fail to realize that by picking apart a specific gender role and describing every aspect of yourself in terms of discreet masculine/feminine archetypes, that doing so may fuel even greater gender disparity.

And that’s exactly why I-don’t-give-a-shit.

Because gender shouldn’t be held to such a high esteem that you consciously think to yourself, “Hm, I think I’ll be more masculine today by wearing boxer briefs…” No, that’s not what I’m doing. On the contrary, I simply wear boxer briefs out of style and comfort, which can hence be described as masculine. You’re only prescribing yourself to a role, when you have it in your head that roles exist. Technically speaking they do, if you were to consider gender roles as part of a socially-constructed reality, but the point is, gender shouldn’t exist, not if we are to make a reality out of free-choice. It shouldn’t dictate how we feel because first of all, gender is NOT an emotion, nor is it a state of being. You can describe my appearance as masculine (or feminine), but it really doesn’t make any sense to describe a person as either or.

Call me what you want: he, she, sir, ma’am. Honestly, it doesn’t matter to me. People get so wrapped up in definition and binary that they fail to realize that every pronoun (indirect or otherwise) is rooted within gender. If you take gender out of the equation, then you have nothing to describe you as solely masculine or feminine. You’re in essence, a mixture of both, you’re a human being. You were born pure, and if not for our socially gender-constructed world, you wouldn’t know the difference.